One Day Away...

Only one more day until my biggest thing of the entire two years---graduation recital. Two years of studying and practice all comes down to tomorrow's one+ hour of performance--hence a "performance degree". I was nervous, I couldn't sleep well all week, I couldn't feel my stomach or my heartbeat. This tension was causing me to have upset stomach, physical pain in my arms and shoulders and hands. Until today...I gave up, I can't go on like this anymore. I gave up myself and let God control the outcome. I practiced my best, even if the performance won't turn out perfect, it is still reality, and it is still a day that I have to experience. Instead of feeling like a mess before that day, why don't I just enjoy the whole process, since this time of my life only happens once a lifetime...

My Recital Poster

This is a cup that Tim got for me from Barns and Noble because it has a picture of Mozart on it. (This picture shows only the back side of the cup).
I took this photo randomly one day, but it turned out that it was perfect for my recital poster.

Tim+Tim & more of Tim

My love, once again! I love the way he smiles.

Proverbs 19:21

During the Lent season, I read one chapter of Proverbs a day, and since Proverbs has 31 chapters total, it works perfectly to read one chapter a day and complete the book in a month. Today in chapter 19 this verse struck me the most:

"21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

I've been planning on what to do after I graduate, and they're indeed thousands of things that I want to do, but I realized that ultimately God will be leading me to what I am suppose to do. My life is His, because He saved my life. I love you Lord!
(picture taken by Dali at an intersection on Harvard st.)

Korean BBQ

Friends having a good time, celebrating my belated birthday. Thanks you guys, you're so sweet.
This is Koreana Restaurant in Cambridge near Broadway and Prospect.

They're a cute couple

Trying to get the waiter's attention. ^^

Lent Season

Lent season is from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, total 40 days. During this time, people would give up something in their lives, for some it might be internet (obviously that's not what I gave up on), for some it may be sweets, and for others it may be time, resources, etc.
I find this practice very good for my mind and soul, but above all else, I thank Jesus who suffered on the cross and gave me new hope, the hope of salvation. So this Lent season is not about me, but it's about Him, so may our hearts remember Him as we look forward to Easter Sunday, not some pastel colored eggs, not yellow bunnies, but Him and Him alone.
The Bible says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." Jesus came to give us that very thing---Perfect Love.

Edible Arrangements

During the funeral week in San Jose, Tim and I ran around town none stop everyday trying to put together the memorial service for grandpa like everyone else in my big family. One afternoon we felt compelled to go visit grandma. After all, she is left behind, forced to live on alone without her lifelong partner. We wanted to make grandma feel better (even though that was highly impossible during a time like this), so we stopped by an Edible Arrangements store near downtown and got a little fruit bouquet on the way to her apartment.
Grandma was touched and liked the way it looked, unfortunately, she refused to open the wrapper and eat the fruits inside. She convinced us to bring it back for the other relatives. After many back-n-forth conversations, we finally obeyed, thinking that right now she should have the right to have things her way. And she really should.
Anyways, so this was the fruit bouquet from Edible, when it arrived at my uncle's house, everyone (10+ ppl) was astonished at the sight of this beauty. They all crowded around to take pictures of it as if a movie star had arrived. It was quite hilarious.
This picture was taken by my cousin, I just got it from him today.

«New Look»

I finally decided that it's time to give my blog a brand new look. I liked the cute template that I downloaded from the web couple months ago with cartoon birds and flowers, but it's still not me. I like it more plain and less cluttered I guess, so I expanded the margins and made my blog wider. I also think people are buying more wide-screen monitors and laptops these days, so my update is actually very timely.
Anyways, just want to share with you a picture I took of my love recently. His smile shows the state of his heart, which I adore.

1st death in my family

Tuesday 3.3.09 we flew into San Jose in the morning. Noon time, we went to see grandpa in the ICU, breathing in difficulty. At 7:08 that same night, he went to be with the Lord. Friday 3.7.09, we held a service in memory of him and we went to the graveyard site and lowered his casket into the ground.
Everything is done. His life on earth. His worries and sufferings. He is in a good place with our Lord.
I miss grandpa. I truly do. I look forward to seeing him again in heaven.
Meanwhile, grandma is grieving, she's left behind. I want to take care of her the best I can.
This week is a rough week on everyone in my family. I sit in silence right now as I reflect on what had happened this week: death. How fast it came and just took my grandpa away from all of us. We cannot buy time. Our time is in God's hand.

外公 Grandpa

外公昨晚病危，又送进了加护病房。医生要家人们做好心理准备。
My grandpa is in ICU again, and this time he may not come out from it. The doctors warned us to prepare our hearts...
我不知该怎么做心理准备。做了准备，心会好受一点吗？
I don't know how to prepare my heart for this. Even if I did, would my heart hurt less?
表哥说他瘦得可怜，躺在病床里，一条管子叉进他的肺部辅助他呼吸。不能讲话，不能大小便，不能吃饭。每一样“不能”就有一条管子叉近他的身体里去。
Cousin William went to see him last night before I talked to him on the phone. He said grandpa lost so much weight. There's a tube inserted into his lunges to help him breath. He can't speak, he can't go to the bathroom, he can't eat...apparently, they have a tube for everything he can't do.
医生觉得，老人84，这样拖下去会给他带来更多的痛苦。如果家人同意，他会把这些大小管子拔了，让外公安详的去。。。
A doctor spoke to my relatives. He thinks that keeping grandpa alive this way brings him more unnecessary sufferings. He suggested that if it is okay with us, he would pull the plugs and let him go in the most peaceful way possible. After all, grandpa is already 84, the hope of him getting better from this is slim...
痛苦的让他靠机器活着，还是帮他决定离世的日子呢？对我来说，两种抉择都是错。
Should we leave him to suffer under all these tubes? Or should we decide for him the date which he can leave this world? These two options to me are both unfair to him.

****

亲爱的外公，你可以自己选择吗？
Dear grandpa, can you choose for yourself?