Three fishes: Jazz, Big Daddy, and Shark
Dali and I like Jazz. He swims like he is about to die half the time, and always seems to be slower than all the other fishes. He is kind of stupid, but very friendly as well. He'll be one of the first one to swim up for food, not being afraid that I might poke him, and he's never afraid if I tap on the glass at him.
Big Daddy looks like Jazz, but a little bigger with white scales. He seems very quiet. He's normal in every way, and he minds his own business looking for food under rocks. He seems mature, and knows how to be a good goldfish.
Shark is a survivor. Dali's dad had him the longest. While all the other fishes would come and go, Shark remains. He's getting longer, and he swims the fastest. He's also bright, and very careful. He'll pull away when he senses me tapping the glass, or yelling into the fish tank.
I guess there's a harmony between them, until today. We feed the fishes once every two days, but today, I saw Jazz and decided to give him a little special treat. So, as usual I would put my hand on top of the water, and Jazz would swim up thinking there's food. Since, Big Daddy and Shark don't seem to give me the attention that Jazz does, I decided to give one whole piece of fish food to Jazz only. Jazz ate it. He likes it. He's a happy camper. Then, something strange happens. Shark goes mad. He starts chasing Jazz and Big Daddy around, like they wronged him. Shark was jealous that the only big chunk of fish food went to Jazz and not him. Shark was mad because he was left out.
I didn't like Shark picking on Big Daddy and Jazz. I felt like, I'm the giver and I get to choose who I want to bless with my awesome tasty treat. So, as all the fishes were waiting for more food to go into the tank, I got Big Daddy's attention, and I gave him one too. Which means, one for Jazz, one for Big Daddy, too bad for Shark.
Shark kept bullying and nipping at the fins of both Jazz and Big Daddy. Shark was left out, rejected, mistreated in a sense that everyone got treated with food except for him. Shark looks sad. He wanted the same blessing. He did what Jazz and Big Daddy did everyday, and he did his share of swimming and looking like a fish as much as the rest of them. Why didn't Shark get rewarded? Why didn't Shark get a piece of Tim Ng's wonderful blessing... I'm sorry Shark, Tim Ng is wrong for the first time, so I gave a piece to Shark also.
I would think that I'm a pretty good giver, because all three fishes got treated fairly. But I guess the fishes in the tank has a different idea. Jazz and Big Daddy's decided to go mad as well. They both started chasing Shark and bullying him back. They both took turns nipping away at Shark's fins (delicious if you had it before), and soon enough, Jazz wasn't all that innocent anymore. He started nipping at Big Daddy also.
The fishes in the tank have a different chemistry now. Nobody likes each other anymore. They take turns chasing and nipping at each other, and no one likes to be around each other. Who's responsible for that?
That what brings me back to Xanga. A thought that I have nowhere else to release.
God gave everyone something different, different parents, different sibblings, different psychological influences, different emotional acceptance, different friends, different amongs of material wealth, possessions, and the same question, why? It's never enough no matter what we get. I feel that some people are given more, and in my mind, I say, why? Am I mistreated? I still got what I need in the end, just like Shark did. But in the 15 minutes of no food and seeing both Jazz and Big Daddy enjoying swimming in an overweight belly, I want it too.
Fishes... how silly.
Humans... how silly.
4.29.2007
4.21.2007
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