老公上班的时候常常打电话给我，问我中午吃什么，练琴辛不辛苦，上课上得好不好。每天都这样，从结婚前到现在。
今天我正练琴练得头发蒸发着热气，突然接到老公从公司送过来的邮件。原来是他特地用某 iPhone application 画的。今晚带我出去吃饭时还示范了一回。我真的很感动，也很感激他对我不变的爱和无时不刻的关心。
I am so blessed! 荣耀归给赐予爱的神！
2.25.2009
老公的爱
老公上班的时候常常打电话给我，问我中午吃什么，练琴辛不辛苦，上课上得好不好。每天都这样，从结婚前到现在。
今天我正练琴练得头发蒸发着热气，突然接到老公从公司送过来的邮件。原来是他特地用某 iPhone application 画的。今晚带我出去吃饭时还示范了一回。我真的很感动，也很感激他对我不变的爱和无时不刻的关心。
I am so blessed! 荣耀归给赐予爱的神！
2.24.2009
My Purpose of Living
I am sure everyone has moments like these where each of us wonders why we are put on this earth? I feel that especially these couple of months as I am preparing for my graduating recital. I had a lot of time to be by myself where I just face the piano all day, which caused me to think about my life and my worth at the same time. Sometimes I really do wonder why I spent so many years of my life on 88 black-and-white keys? What's the point of it in the end?
Unlike many wonderful musicians I know, who love performing and going to competitions and auditions and music camps, I am just not that excited about them. I observed myself from time to time and I noticed that whenever I go into a bookstore, I run straight to the art section where I would pick out an interior design book or a photoshop magazine to read and I never go to see what music section has to offer.
When I was in high school, many people said to me they don't know what they want to study in college, but they envied me because I seemed like I already know---piano. But the truth of the fact is, I am just like everyone else out there who has no clue about a lot of things in life.
It feels good to admit it, even admit to myself that I am clueless, because I don't need all these expectations from others or from myself to make me into something I am not. I would feel so lost and miserable. But instead, to admit that I don't know is my first step toward discovering myself and my purpose of living. It's like an alcoholic who admits in front of the AA group that he/she has an addiction toward alcohol. My addiction was to seek approval and live a life of unreal expectations.
I see my graduation from BU this May an end to my old life and a beginning to a new one, where I would have a different attitude toward life and toward myself. I want to be absolutely honest with myself as to what I want to dedicate the rest of my life into doing and what I don't want to see myself turning into. My ideas are vague, because I can't think by myself, even if I spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week just thinking in my own little brain. I need God's help, because He is BIG, He's my creator Who knows my life purpose better than I do. Without Him, I would probably just come up with another silly purpose for myself where I will reach a dead end eventually. I don't know how to explain it, but basically, I just have to put my trust in Him, because He will guide me forward.
May God's name be glorified!
Unlike many wonderful musicians I know, who love performing and going to competitions and auditions and music camps, I am just not that excited about them. I observed myself from time to time and I noticed that whenever I go into a bookstore, I run straight to the art section where I would pick out an interior design book or a photoshop magazine to read and I never go to see what music section has to offer.
When I was in high school, many people said to me they don't know what they want to study in college, but they envied me because I seemed like I already know---piano. But the truth of the fact is, I am just like everyone else out there who has no clue about a lot of things in life.
It feels good to admit it, even admit to myself that I am clueless, because I don't need all these expectations from others or from myself to make me into something I am not. I would feel so lost and miserable. But instead, to admit that I don't know is my first step toward discovering myself and my purpose of living. It's like an alcoholic who admits in front of the AA group that he/she has an addiction toward alcohol. My addiction was to seek approval and live a life of unreal expectations.
I see my graduation from BU this May an end to my old life and a beginning to a new one, where I would have a different attitude toward life and toward myself. I want to be absolutely honest with myself as to what I want to dedicate the rest of my life into doing and what I don't want to see myself turning into. My ideas are vague, because I can't think by myself, even if I spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week just thinking in my own little brain. I need God's help, because He is BIG, He's my creator Who knows my life purpose better than I do. Without Him, I would probably just come up with another silly purpose for myself where I will reach a dead end eventually. I don't know how to explain it, but basically, I just have to put my trust in Him, because He will guide me forward.
May God's name be glorified!
2.19.2009
My Love and I
Soon it'll be our 2 year anniversary. Time flies. I can honestly say that we love each other so much more than when we first got married. God really blesses us and constantly pours out His love for us. We shouldn't take it for granted or boast about it, but it's something to be thankful for and something to bring to His glory.
2.17.2009
Corporation
Yesterday was President's Day, Tim and I had a day off together. He got a movie from Netflix for us to watch at night. At first, when I saw the title "Corporation", I didn't think much of it. He told me he heard other people talking about the movie and was curious to see what would be about.
I have to tell you that this movie educated me so much. It broke down the term "corporation" in the United States and explained its impact globally. I was shocked but at the same time realized why we're getting hated and attacked and afraid to get attacked all the time as a nation. We're living in a life while exploiting other countries' resources and labor, living in ignorance and denial. My heart truly aches, and I wish that there's something that I can change.
I saw a documentary on 20/20 last week about the poorest city in the U.S., and I am not saying all, but at least some of the people getting interviewed for this show were making $60,000 a year. That's NOT poor!!!! The work might be tough and dangerous though, but 60K a year is A LOT, especially comparing to what our clothing companies like Nike and Victoria Secrets, etc, are paying the citizens of 3rd world countries --80 cents a day.
I had a weird sleep last night because my mind was so restless after watching this movie. It is very credible where many Ivy-League economy professors, CEO's of world's largest corporations and other financial professionals and researchers gather to give a all-around view of this ugly truth about the U.S. corporation structure. I strongly recommend everyone to watch it, because even myself and yourselves are being used for advertisement, and being taught since we're young about what we falsely need in life so that we'll buy more junk from them (corporations) and giving them more wealth and thus more power to manipulate the government, the news media, the much more that we couldn't even imagine. All that because of GREED. No wonder the Bible says, "Money is the source of all evil."
I can see slowly that many people have realized this ugly truth and are doing a lot starting with their own spending habits and choice of purchases to make a difference in this country. A small town in Southern California voted to chase out all big corporations out, and having only small businesses to operate. I am curious to visit that town someday, and I also admire them for their bravery and courage to do what is right and just.
So when you have a chance, instead of getting a thriller movie that will hype you up, or a romance movie that will make you fuzzy inside, watch "Corporation", that won't give you either hype or fuzziness, but it will change your heart.
I have to tell you that this movie educated me so much. It broke down the term "corporation" in the United States and explained its impact globally. I was shocked but at the same time realized why we're getting hated and attacked and afraid to get attacked all the time as a nation. We're living in a life while exploiting other countries' resources and labor, living in ignorance and denial. My heart truly aches, and I wish that there's something that I can change.
I saw a documentary on 20/20 last week about the poorest city in the U.S., and I am not saying all, but at least some of the people getting interviewed for this show were making $60,000 a year. That's NOT poor!!!! The work might be tough and dangerous though, but 60K a year is A LOT, especially comparing to what our clothing companies like Nike and Victoria Secrets, etc, are paying the citizens of 3rd world countries --80 cents a day.
I had a weird sleep last night because my mind was so restless after watching this movie. It is very credible where many Ivy-League economy professors, CEO's of world's largest corporations and other financial professionals and researchers gather to give a all-around view of this ugly truth about the U.S. corporation structure. I strongly recommend everyone to watch it, because even myself and yourselves are being used for advertisement, and being taught since we're young about what we falsely need in life so that we'll buy more junk from them (corporations) and giving them more wealth and thus more power to manipulate the government, the news media, the much more that we couldn't even imagine. All that because of GREED. No wonder the Bible says, "Money is the source of all evil."
I can see slowly that many people have realized this ugly truth and are doing a lot starting with their own spending habits and choice of purchases to make a difference in this country. A small town in Southern California voted to chase out all big corporations out, and having only small businesses to operate. I am curious to visit that town someday, and I also admire them for their bravery and courage to do what is right and just.
So when you have a chance, instead of getting a thriller movie that will hype you up, or a romance movie that will make you fuzzy inside, watch "Corporation", that won't give you either hype or fuzziness, but it will change your heart.
2.02.2009
Contentment
These days, I am feeling lonely in Boston, ever since my cousin came to visit, I realized how much I miss my family in California. I went back to San Jose for a couple days to fill that homesickness, but when I came back to Boston my heart was even more empty. Some might ask, isn't Tim enough for you? I must say yes, but I think community support is also important to me.
I don't feel connected to our church, in fact, we have skipped church couple times already, and guess what...nobody even bothered to call and ask if we're doing okay.
I was at a historically low point these couple of weeks, until... Tim and I started to do devotion and pray together and share our thoughts in honesty. I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt. It was the most amazing thing. God called us to be partners with each other, but we haven't really shared in the spiritual level as partners until now, when we realized that the other person is all I've got here.
From our sharing, we accept our state of loneliness from a community that we long for but don't know where to find. We suddenly saw many hidden blessing from God in this period of time that we took for granted. For example, if it weren't for this time when we have no others in our lives, we wouldn't have sat down and share heart to heart our inmost thoughts. If I always feel that I am loved by everyone, then I would never have the humility to reach out to others in need. If we always have people to hang out and have fun with, Tim and I would have no time to grow together as a couple for better or for worse.
Rough times are blessings in disguise. It causes us to stop and think and grow as a person. Actually, every period of time has its own goodness to offer, we just have to see through all the messiness and the diamond will surface and shine in its most beautiful radiance. I treasure this time of stillness, when God removed "people" from my life, so that I can focus on Him alone. Quietness is what this world lacks, there are noises everywhere you go. People are afraid of quietness and stillness, because they want to avoid thinking about their lives as much as possible and just "have fun". But having fun is not all there is to it in life. We have got to grow and mature as human beings, and this progress is not to come without some struggles and pain along the way. To avoid it altogether is not the way to live, in fact, who is to promise that no unhappiness or pain will befall them ever?
In the end, I want to praise God and give Him glory, even though during this time, Tim's dad had a stroke and my grandparents both were taken into emergency care by 911 in separate times within 2 weeks. God has brought our families closer to Him, and has given us more strength ever to get through this tough time together.
I don't feel connected to our church, in fact, we have skipped church couple times already, and guess what...nobody even bothered to call and ask if we're doing okay.
I was at a historically low point these couple of weeks, until... Tim and I started to do devotion and pray together and share our thoughts in honesty. I told him how I felt and he told me how he felt. It was the most amazing thing. God called us to be partners with each other, but we haven't really shared in the spiritual level as partners until now, when we realized that the other person is all I've got here.
From our sharing, we accept our state of loneliness from a community that we long for but don't know where to find. We suddenly saw many hidden blessing from God in this period of time that we took for granted. For example, if it weren't for this time when we have no others in our lives, we wouldn't have sat down and share heart to heart our inmost thoughts. If I always feel that I am loved by everyone, then I would never have the humility to reach out to others in need. If we always have people to hang out and have fun with, Tim and I would have no time to grow together as a couple for better or for worse.
Rough times are blessings in disguise. It causes us to stop and think and grow as a person. Actually, every period of time has its own goodness to offer, we just have to see through all the messiness and the diamond will surface and shine in its most beautiful radiance. I treasure this time of stillness, when God removed "people" from my life, so that I can focus on Him alone. Quietness is what this world lacks, there are noises everywhere you go. People are afraid of quietness and stillness, because they want to avoid thinking about their lives as much as possible and just "have fun". But having fun is not all there is to it in life. We have got to grow and mature as human beings, and this progress is not to come without some struggles and pain along the way. To avoid it altogether is not the way to live, in fact, who is to promise that no unhappiness or pain will befall them ever?
In the end, I want to praise God and give Him glory, even though during this time, Tim's dad had a stroke and my grandparents both were taken into emergency care by 911 in separate times within 2 weeks. God has brought our families closer to Him, and has given us more strength ever to get through this tough time together.
1.06.2009
2009 Is Actually Here
I can't believe 2009 is here already. I just had to say that over and over again for myself to be convinced.
Today I went to Barns and Nobles and bought a yearly calendar. It was on 50% sale. I guess calendars just lost a lot of value now that 2009 really came.
So what was I going to say about it...I realized...I am not getting any younger. I am still young considerably...but not that young. I felt like I am slowly realizing that and am starting to compromise many dreams and goals in life because of it. For example, I used to want to go to Stanford, and I used to want to be a famous pianist. In reality, I am in Boston University, and I am studying piano performance, but I am not going to be famous and I am not going to Stanford after BU. BU wasn't my first choice, but what can you do when the schools you really want to go to didn't accept you?
I used to think that I can do anything, but now that I am more in tuned with reality, I know that I am not going to be able to do everything. Compromises need to take place and sacrifices need to be made, for people I love and for my own limitations as a human being, aging, depreciating, and slowly dying away without knowing.
When my facial fine lines become deep wrinkles, when I need more makeup to cover more imperfections of myself, maybe I'll have another moment of self-realization like this, but in larger scale. Who knows when...
Today I went to Barns and Nobles and bought a yearly calendar. It was on 50% sale. I guess calendars just lost a lot of value now that 2009 really came.
So what was I going to say about it...I realized...I am not getting any younger. I am still young considerably...but not that young. I felt like I am slowly realizing that and am starting to compromise many dreams and goals in life because of it. For example, I used to want to go to Stanford, and I used to want to be a famous pianist. In reality, I am in Boston University, and I am studying piano performance, but I am not going to be famous and I am not going to Stanford after BU. BU wasn't my first choice, but what can you do when the schools you really want to go to didn't accept you?
I used to think that I can do anything, but now that I am more in tuned with reality, I know that I am not going to be able to do everything. Compromises need to take place and sacrifices need to be made, for people I love and for my own limitations as a human being, aging, depreciating, and slowly dying away without knowing.
When my facial fine lines become deep wrinkles, when I need more makeup to cover more imperfections of myself, maybe I'll have another moment of self-realization like this, but in larger scale. Who knows when...
12.29.2008
2009 IS NEAR
I wish 2008 would last longer. I have never been sicker in such a long time. I came down with a flu/cold few days ago. Since then, my mood has been blue and my energy has been low. I didn't do much, or for that matter, talk much. I felt tired and worn out. There are many things that I am concerned about. Mainly my instability in life.
Recently we're talking about moving back to the West coast after my BU program is finished in May of 09. Moving back, the word "back" is what bothers me. We're not going "back" to anywhere we're familiar with, just another "new" place that we have to get use to and new people we need to get to know.
Moving is a great thing, because we don't really like Boston all that much, but I just don't know where to go to next. It's hard when Tim and I are from two different countries, even though Vancouver and San Jose are in the same timezone and are along the same coast, but which side of parents are we to move nearer to? How near and/or how far?
I know that in the end God will show us the way just as He had shown us the way to Boston when I was applying for grad school. Now it's time for a new chapter in our lives, and I feel anxious and uncertain. I don't want 2008 to end yet, I am not ready to face new obstacles ahead.
But maybe, maybe we should, because then ultimately, we'll have to settle down somewhere and start a family of our own. Maybe I shouldn't be so afraid of changes, because sometimes changes are good. I know by coming to Boston for 2 years, both of us have grown tremendously from little, naive college kids to semi-responsible adults. Hopefully the next move will get us to really become mature and confident individuals.
I am scared of many things, but doesn't mean that I can avoid them, like my graduation recital, my job hunt after graduation, moving...to having babies in the future. These things will come one at a time, and what I need to do is to trust God, because I don't do it enough, far far from enough.
I like what Dr. Phil said in one episode. He said just because you think you can avoid certain things in life by not making any choices, actually you've made the choice of not choosing, so the choice has been made FOR you in that case.
I hope that I will still be brave enough to choose what's been prepared ahead of me. Help me to not be afraid God! After all, I still have you and I still have Tim and both sides of our parents who constantly loved us.
Our pre-Christmas trip to Washington DC was a good reminder that even when we're in a brand new city where we know no one, we could still enjoy each others company and have a great time together.
Recently we're talking about moving back to the West coast after my BU program is finished in May of 09. Moving back, the word "back" is what bothers me. We're not going "back" to anywhere we're familiar with, just another "new" place that we have to get use to and new people we need to get to know.
Moving is a great thing, because we don't really like Boston all that much, but I just don't know where to go to next. It's hard when Tim and I are from two different countries, even though Vancouver and San Jose are in the same timezone and are along the same coast, but which side of parents are we to move nearer to? How near and/or how far?
I know that in the end God will show us the way just as He had shown us the way to Boston when I was applying for grad school. Now it's time for a new chapter in our lives, and I feel anxious and uncertain. I don't want 2008 to end yet, I am not ready to face new obstacles ahead.
But maybe, maybe we should, because then ultimately, we'll have to settle down somewhere and start a family of our own. Maybe I shouldn't be so afraid of changes, because sometimes changes are good. I know by coming to Boston for 2 years, both of us have grown tremendously from little, naive college kids to semi-responsible adults. Hopefully the next move will get us to really become mature and confident individuals.
I am scared of many things, but doesn't mean that I can avoid them, like my graduation recital, my job hunt after graduation, moving...to having babies in the future. These things will come one at a time, and what I need to do is to trust God, because I don't do it enough, far far from enough.
I like what Dr. Phil said in one episode. He said just because you think you can avoid certain things in life by not making any choices, actually you've made the choice of not choosing, so the choice has been made FOR you in that case.
I hope that I will still be brave enough to choose what's been prepared ahead of me. Help me to not be afraid God! After all, I still have you and I still have Tim and both sides of our parents who constantly loved us.
Our pre-Christmas trip to Washington DC was a good reminder that even when we're in a brand new city where we know no one, we could still enjoy each others company and have a great time together.
12.24.2008
Merry Christmas to All!!!
Wishing all of you a Merry Christmas! Happy holidays!
Laughter and Cheers everywhere!
Laughter and Cheers everywhere!
12.15.2008
Done Done Done!
I love to say the word "done" three times in a roll when I have actually accomplished something. Certainly right now I can say that, because I am really done with my semester. "Done done done" sounds like I am singing, but the meaning is also very self-explanatory to those who know me and know what I am going through in life.
This semester, I learned a lot more about piano that I would never imagine myself learning. I played comfortably in the piano jury, and my teacher told me that I did very well, which is extremely rare considering the fact that he's pretty strict and critical during usual semesters. Yay!!! I am so happy about it. Next semester will be my graduation recital, I can't wait to finish strong.
This weekend I was able to relax and enjoy spending time with friends. Here is a tea party that I attended on Saturday. I had so much fun!!!
This semester, I learned a lot more about piano that I would never imagine myself learning. I played comfortably in the piano jury, and my teacher told me that I did very well, which is extremely rare considering the fact that he's pretty strict and critical during usual semesters. Yay!!! I am so happy about it. Next semester will be my graduation recital, I can't wait to finish strong.
This weekend I was able to relax and enjoy spending time with friends. Here is a tea party that I attended on Saturday. I had so much fun!!!
9.24.2008
Update
I haven't updated this blog for quite a while. New semester has started, and many things are on my mind. This is my last year in the master's program, perhaps the last year of my career as a full-time student. I don't know how to feel. The modern school system has shaped people into institutionalized, follow-the-rules, non-creative creatures. I wonder what I am going to do when I finish school, what job will I work get, what life-after-school will be like. That's my question this year and it scares me. It almost made me want to continue school and just never have to deal with the transition, but I don't think it is a responsible choice of being an adult. I need to grow up and mature and start earning my income to support my family.
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