If my baby were still alive inside me, it would have been born this month. We didn't even know the gender, all we could refer it by is really "it".
This morning I just woke up thinking about IT.
I wonder what I would have look like as a 9 months pregnant lady.
I wonder what amount of food I'd be eating.
I wonder what IT would look like by now under ultrasound.
I wonder if IT was a girl, because I'd like a girl.
I wonder who IT would look like more. Me or Tim.
I wonder if we'd have a name for IT already.
I wonder if we'd still be in Boston.
I wonder if labor would be painful or easy.
I wonder if I'd be so tired or so excited.
I am mourning for my lost today, but in a healthy way. I am not depressed but hopeful. God has healed my wound. I am looking forward to something new. I don't think I could have thought about IT this way few months ago. It would have been too painful. But now I can, because I know that it's in the past, and while I am remembering the past, I have to keep on living forward. The past makes who I am, but the future holds whom I will become. I am renewed by my Savior, Jesus Christ my Lord!
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On the other note, dad and mom called me last night to tell me that yesterday was our 14 year anniversary of immigration to the US. That caused me to ponder upon a whole new set of IF's. But the most important IF was: what if I didn't meet Tim?
NOOO, I am glad things turned out the way they did. I wouldn't want it any other way but to go through life with Tim, my best friend. I am also glad that dad and mom are healthy and strong. They're breathing clean air, they're enjoying the beautiful greens in California all year round. They're taking care of a church and helping people who need their help. They get to travel to Boston once a while to see us. They've been to the Holy land. They've done mission work in Hungary. All these things they got to do would not have been possible if they were still in our hometown in China.
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Thank you Lord! For everything!
Sincerely,
Your child Dali
2 comments:
Dali - thank you for sharing your heart. Your burden is now mine and I will be praying that God blesses you and Tim with a little one in the new year.
Amy Murgatroyd
To encourage you... my first pregnancy ended as yours did.
But I have 3 healthy children. God is good.
I still wonder sometimes what my first would be doing now.. but not with pain. Just wonder.
I am sure that you will have your baby!
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