Tim's side of the story

I never really knew how to connect with my emotions. There's a separation between what's happening and what I'm feeling most of the time. For some reason, I have learned to disconnect myself emotionally. It's not a cold reaction of any sort, it's an inability to "feel".
But, at times, I do feel. I have connected with the grief for the total of four times during this experience, and yes, there were tears.
First, was Wednesday morning. I rode my scooter into work at about 6:30am in the morning. When I got to the bottom of my building, I tried calling my parents to tell them what happened the day before. I remember Howard was on the phone, and I couldn't speak. My heart just tore apart at that moment, and my voice was filled with deep grief. The conversation lasted 15 seconds, and I sat there trying to gather myself.
It was around 7:30 or 8, I went to my office and my manager saw me walked right by him. He somehow knew something was wrong, since I didn't show up for work the day before (I had the morning off, but did not come in in the afternoon). He asked me what happened, I told him, and I completely broke down. I wept and wept, and I kept my head down on my desk. He put his hand on my back and told me he was sorry. I felt compassion, even in the most unexpected place.
Thursday night, I called my parents to tell them what happened. I had no trouble telling my mom what happened, but the emotions were slowly building up. When my dad was on the phone, I collapsed once more. I could no longer speak, as I began to wept once again.
Friday afternoon. I saw my most darling wife, the joy of my life, lying in the hospital bed in the surgery prep room. As the doctors and nurses put different tubes and needles in her, my heart began to sank. The last thing I wanted from the joy of a new family member is a premature death and my wife suffering for that death. After they took Dali away for the surgery, I sat in the waiting area alone and wept.
The song that kept my heart together during that whole experience was this:

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne