Stay-home Mom?

One Saturday morning my neighbor and I were exercising together, and out of the blue she asked me, "Did you have a good childhood in China?" The question suddenly struck me. I've never given thoughts as to evaluate my childhood. However, as a recall what I did as a child, almost all my memories involved my dad.

He was a musician who specialized in Chinese operatic music. He composed Chinese opera music, he coached Chinese operatic vocalists, he played Oriental and Western instruments of all sorts in the Chinese opera house he worked at. I wasn't sure if he was simply very flexible with his work schedule, or he was just very intentional about being there for me. Maybe it's both. I just remembered that we did so much together. He was very engaged in my childhood. I remember spending a lot of time on his bicycle, which he used as transportation to take me everywhere with him. We'd go buy food together at the street market. We'd go to pick up my mom from the school she taught at night and we'd catch fireflies in the nearby fields. We'd go visit my grandparents together or run errands for them. He taught me how to climb monkey bars, and how to play badminton. He taught me singing and piano. He'd even had a secret whistle to call me home whenever I was over playing at my neighbor's apartment. In summary, he invested his time and energy in me. While all other memories of China would fade, the memories of my time spent with my dad still lived so vividly in my mind, even after 2 decades and a hemisphere of distance away.

My relationship with my dad kept me grounded through times of uncertainty especially when we immigrated to the US. as I was turning 13. I was uprooted from everything I knew. Even though he and mom started working long hours to pay for our new lives in a new country, and I had to learn to grow up all of the sudden and I had to struggle through a lot of things on my own, I never felt that I was not loved or heard. Even when people at school laughed at me and teased me for being different, I wasn't really that devastated and my identity of who I was wasn't threatened because I was rooted, and I knew my identity as a beloved child.

Maybe it's my dad being a role model for me in my youth, I've learned to love my children the way he loved me and is so emotionally engaged with me. I love the fact that I am able to be available for my kids especially during the first few years of their lives when they need me the most. We have built, over the years, a strong trust with one another, in which they would feel completely safe to tell me anything that come to their minds. And I hope that with this foundation paved, they can go through life feeling confident about who they are and rooted in the knowledge that they are deeply loved .

This entry is not to compare working moms at all. In fact, I have seen some of my best friends as working moms balancing work and family so beautifully. Everyone has a different calling. For me, with running my piano studio as a creative outlet, I feel energized to be a stay-home mom. I recognize the importance of being emotionally engaged with my children. I see how much sanity this mutual trust has brought to my family thus far. I don't need my kids to be academically fantasically-amazing, but I need them and want them to be psychologically healthy so they can be there for the people that will need them and depend on them in the near future. Also hopefully one day when they reflect back on their childhood, they'd remember all the fun they had had with me, their mom who loves them to the moon and back, and they'd know that they've had a good childhood.

Sophie's Birthday

After finishing up the book of Job in the Bible during my daily devotionals, I felt the mortal finiteness of myself and the omnipotence of God and His incomprehensible wisdom. I was reminded once again that God can do anything, and I cannot.

Today was my daughter's birthday party. I had been planning it for a month. I bought all the decorations to match the theme, made all the signs, ordered all the food and a birthday cake, hired an award-winning balloon artist and designed how the whole 3 hours would be played out. I even printed black-and-white photos of her past year and made backings for them out of scrapbooking card stocks, I dripped each photo with a crystal on a patterned string and was planning to hang them on the tangerine tree branches in the backyard. I thought I was doing a lot and was smart about every little detail. However, like Job, but maybe not to his extent, I was shown what a limited being I was.

Yesterday morning when I checked the weather for today, it showed that during the 3 hours of what's supposed to be Sophie's birthday party, there were going to be 40%-60% chance of rain, and then it would be sunny again for the rest of the night and unto the next day. I began to worry. All the planning might go to waste because of the rain. I though to myself, "it is freaking California. It hardly rains. Why all of the sudden? Why during Sophie's birthday party, where I invited at least 18 kids to come along with their parents?" It never crossed my mind that I'd have to try to make a plan B in case of rain. I was annoyed.

For the following 24 hours, I had never checked the forecast updates so frequently in my life. I clicked the live map to see the prediction of the wind currents and cloud movements. I kept refreshing the weather page hoping to see a change in the percentage of the raining possibilities. Opposite of my hopes and dreams, the percentage never decreased. The indications showed that it would start to rain right when I were suppose to start the party, and it were going to last throughout the duration of the party. I was sad, and I had no power to change the weather. It's up to God.

I didn't sleep too well last night, obviously trying to check for more weather updates. During the middle of the night, I thought God spoke to me in a comforting voice that things were going to be ok, the party would be fine, and the rain would not come during the party. However, I, of little faith, really, really little faith, didn't believe or trust Him. I struggled all night thinking about what I can do to not have the party attendees be rained on. I was trying so hard using my own power but I still felt helpless the more I checked for weather updates, because nothing changed in the forecast.

However when morning came, in spite of my weakness and unbelieving heart, God came through for me. He showed me crisp air, spare white clouds, gorgeous blue sky,  and 4 mph wind speed. That was all I needed to start decorating and putting everything outside in the backyard.

I was so thankful, yet ashamed of my disbelieve. I wasted so much energy just worrying, and I lost sleep over things I cannot control, yet God had already told me that He would take care of this.

Right when all the guests were leaving after the 3+ hours of partying and feasting, the rain came crashing down like the dam had opened its flood gate, accompanied by loud thunders. It was truly a miracle.

If this lesson had taught me anything, it would be to trust God fully, and to listen carefully to Him when He speaks, also, to be humble to realize my mortality and to recognize His deity. I can only give all the glory and praises to God, my Father in Heaven. Thank you for loving on us, showing mercy especially when we are weak, and caring for Your daughter Sophie, because she had a blast today at her birthday party. =)

Getting Ready for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is around the corner. What is everyone doing for the BIG dinner? Last year, I tried making a turkey for the first time and it was quite an ordeal. It turned out well though. This year, we'll probably just stick with Chinese hot pot, which should be so much less work. ^^ As long as all the love ones are together eating at one table, it won't matter what we eat. For the occasion, we're making some paper autumn leaves. 

First, I selected tan, yellow, orange and brown construction papers, and drew some leaf shapes to cut out the stacked papers. 

Then, I had Sophie add in some details to the leaves.

She did a fine job making each leaf special. =)

We collected the ones that were already done in a pile while we worked on the rest.

After the leaves were all drawn, we strung them all together and decorated the mantel.

Does it fell like autumn enough yet? ^_^ Maybe if I light some pumpkin scented candles.
We wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving!

Fall Is Here

Yay, fall is finally here. Time for some fall-themed crafts fun. We've made three kinds today and the kids really enjoyed them all. 

First we did foam sticker pumpkin decorating. The left one is created by Sophie, and the right one is by Brandon. Since they're still young, I don't really like to use a sharp knife for pumpkin carving, though that would be a lot of fun down the road. For now, foam stickers will do. ^_~

Then we created a "FALL" banner for our reading corner.

Lastly, we used pompoms to make 10 cute super-spiders. Sophie thinks they should line up in a row like all good spiders should do. ^_^

Now back to sipping my tea and enjoying my quiet time while they nap. Happy October! Now if the weather could just cool down a little and rain would just come to give California some moisture and water supplies in the reservoirs and stop forest fires , that'd be super wonderful! 

The Present

I've been thinking a lot about my life as of today. I enjoy spending time with my two kids very much. Everyday after lunch, we would take a nap together on the king size bed, and before we fall asleep, we would cuddle and wrestle, and I would squeeze them tight and toss them up in the air, and they would hug and kiss me all over and pile on top of me. I love our pre-nap-time play so much, it's what I look forward to everyday. I enjoy this love we share with one another, and I love being their mom, the one they need so much, all the time. However, I know that this will not last forever. They will grow up little by little before my eyes, and sooner or later, they will get embarrassed even by a small hug or a little kiss from me, especially in front of their friends. As a mom, I will need to learn to let them go little by little each year until they become adults and have families of their own. One day, hopefully in a very distant future, I will part from life on this earth and they will have to say goodbye to me.

I know that every human being possess this sense that nothing lasts forever. Amidst joy and celebration, there's also a lingering feeling of sadness that "who knows when we'll get to do this again with all the people here right now". I feel that way sometimes at home as I play with my two preschoolers. I know that little by little they'll grow up and they won't be this cute forever, and they won't be this innocent forever, and they won't be this needy forever. Soon they won't need a mid-day nap anymore, our night time story will not exist one day, and our backyard swing, slide and playhouse will be crawling with spiders and piled with dusts because they will not want to play on them anymore. I say this a lot to my kids, "Can you guys just stop growing and be this little forever?" Their response is always the variations of, "No, I want to grow BIG and TALL, like you, mommy." 

At each stage of life, there are different things we are working on, and changes we need to learn to accept and adapt to, but a lot of times, life is mundane, to be honest. I think if our life is full of excitement all the time, everyday, like in those action movies, we wouldn't be able to have the mental capacity to handle it anyways. God is merciful, thankfully, most of our days are pretty peaceful and ordinary. However, because our days are so comfortable sometimes, we forget to enjoy it. From the poem I Dream I Had An Interview With God, I really like how the poet writes about what God's response is regarding mankind,

"God answered, That they get bored with childhood, They rush to grow up, Then long to be children again. That they lose there health to make money, then lose there money to restore there health. That by thinking anxiously about there future, they forget the present. That they live as if they will never die, then die as if they have never lived."

 I wouldn't say this is my mid-life crisis blog entry or anything like that. In fact, I am not feeling the least bit of pessimism right now as I am writing this. I guess all I want to say is, don't forget to enjoy today, no matter how ordinary it might seem, and always be thankful for the Giver for what He has provided for us, right now, at this moment.

Matthew 6:34 New International Version (NIV) "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Here is to a good Monday and a good week ahead of us!

Dresses Extravaganza

Yesterday, I went with a friend to try on wedding dresses for her upcoming wedding early next year. Today's project is inspired by all the extravagant dresses I saw yesterday at the shop. 

First I used nude colored construction paper to draw the girl's head and upper body, then I have Sophie glue it at the top, center of a portrait black construction paper. 

Next, I used a pink construction paper to outline the dress for the girl and then cut it out using scissors and have Sophie glue it to the girl's body.

 Just as is, I think it's already looking pretty good, but we're going to make it even fancier.

By using leftover gift tissue paper, I found a pale pink and a hot pink combo that could go well together. I cut up the tissue papers into rough squares, then from the bottom up, I have Sophie glue the tissue squares one at a time until she reached the waist line of the girl's dress.

Tah-dah! It's almost finished.

Using the same method, we tried for a purple dress.

A slightly different way of scissor works, but still simple enough to complete.

Sophie said she wanted to add polka dots to the dress. I love watching her when she's working in full concentration. ^_^

For the final touch, she wanted to add some jewels as decoration.

Here are the final products:

Close But Not Too Close

This morning, I was just remembering how our good friend Erdia invited our whole family to stay at her house in Houston last fall, and how much fun we had with her family and friends. She's truly a hospitable person that I would like to model after. She had made so many friends because of her hospitality, and even moving from Boston to Houston didn't hinder her from always having a house full of friends on a regular bases in her new home. 

I remembered when Tim and I first got married, and as we moved from California to Boston, how lonely we felt and how little friends we had the first year we were there. A lot had to do with us being closed to ourselves and not willing to invite people into our lives. That first year of marriage was very tough. We fought a lot and didn't know why we dated for 5 years but we were suddenly unhappy once we got married. Years later, I realized that it was because when we were dating in college, we were always surrounded by good friends. I had my girls to chitchat and go shopping with, and Tim had the guys to play sports and video games with. We had dating friends that went on double dates with us. We also had elderlies from the local community whom we saw regularly for Bible studies or school events. Our lives were intertwined with many people at different stages of life, and we felt full emotionally and spiritually. However, once we got married and moved to a brand new city, all the relationships were striped away. It was just Tim and I. We thought that as long as we have each other it was going to be enough, but it wasn't true. 

Our society is not helping us in anyway to live in authentic community with others. Modernization has forced us to close our front doors unless we could present ourselves in our most polished state. TV ads and department store ads are all telling us that we need to buy this set of tableware and this kind of serving utensils or this type of glassware to be a truly entertaining host. Cooking channels and food websites are telling us to make this kind of centerpiece or set the dining table in a certain way and cook these dishes so that your guests would be impressed. Not to mention clothing ads are also squeezing a foot in and telling us to dress a certain way so we look more presentable while we entertain. 

All that gets so tiring, and it doesn't show our true selves. As a result, we stop doing it - inviting people over. Especially if finance is an issue, people feel like they can't afford to have people over. But when does being wealthy equate to having more authentic relationships? It is probably the total opposite. 

Whenever I hear people tell me, "my parents are coming from out of town to see us this week, but they'll stay in a hotel. They don't want us to feel like they're intruding." That's just plain bizarre to me coming from a Eastern cultural background. In my mind, I am thinking, "don't you have like 3, 4 bedrooms? You can't spare one for your own parents? You can't let your dearest, closest people see your bed hair and smell your bed breath in the morning or something?" Last time we went to China to see my relatives, even though my uncle and aunt had no spare bedroom for us to stay in, they insisted on sleeping in the living room so we could sleep in their bedroom. I was greatly moved by their kind of hospitality. 

I read this TIME magazine online article:

"What happens when you look at the happiest people and scientifically analyze what they have in common? Researchers did just that.

Relationships, Relationships, Relationships

It was strong social relationships.There was a clear answer to what differentiated these people from everyone else — and it wasn’t money, smarts, age, gender or race.

Via The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work:

Turns out, there was one—and only one—characteristic that distinguished the happiest 10 percent from everybody else: the strength of their social relationships. My empirical study of well-being among 1,600 Harvard undergraduates found a similar result—social support was a far greater predictor of happiness than any other factor, more than GPA, family income, SAT scores, age, gender, or race. In fact, the correlation between social support and happiness was 0.7. This may not sound like a big number, but for researchers it’s huge—most psychology findings are considered significant when they hit 0.3. The point is, the more social support you have, the happier you are.

Since our first year of marriage, I am glad to say we've made many good friends, even with a big move from the East coast to the West coast and many hardships along the way, our marriage is growing stronger because of these wonderful people who love and support us. 

Our house can be a big mess because of two little, cute tornados, and our back yard could be like a survival zone due to the lack to attention, but our hearts feel fuller than ever before. 

My cousin lives with her in-laws. She told me she fights with her mother-in-law from time to time, but they would become closer after they talk it out and reconcile each time. These days, after many years of living under one roof, she would tell me how much she appreciates her in-laws, and that without them, she'd be dead many times over with 2 kids. Instead of trying to avoid conflict and stay at a distant and look perfect and impressive, I think what we long for more is for people we care about to truly accepts us as we are. 

We need to rethink this whole thing over, about living in community, as we were first designed to do. The bad and the ugly is not so bad and ugly once exposed to the people who love us. 

I will end here with a quote from the movie Good Will Hunting (one of Tim's favorite movies):

“Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used to fart in her sleep. I thought I’d share that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and went ‘ah was that you?’ And I didn’t have the heart to tell her. Oh! Will: She woke herself up? Sean: Ah...! But Will, she’s been dead for 2 years, and that's the shit I remember: wonderful stuff you know? Little things like that. Those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that's what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but there not. Ah, that's the good stuff. ~ Robin Williams as Sean Maguire, Matt Damon as Will Hunting.”

Handmade Father's Day Gifts

Yay, happy Father's Day to all the great fathers out there who love, teach and provide for their children.

Let's take a peek at what we've made for Daddy this year. We've prepared these presents long before the Day. 

Here is a finger-painting we've done together. I drew the tree branches and they painted the leaves using their tiny fingers. So cute*

Next, we found rocks from the backyard, and Brandon helped me clean them.

After the rocks were cleaned, we dried them outside under the sun so we could paint them.

We picked 12 rocks total, 6 rocks per child. I let them choose the colors they wanted for each rock and labeled the paper plates with their names so I know who painted which ones.

After that, we just had to wait until they dry for at least 24 hours. I also had to find a place to hide all these plates, which was the more difficult part.

The next day, when the kids were taking their naps, it was assembling time. Can we tell what we are making yet?

Caterpillars!

I lined up the rocks and put glue between them.

After another 24 hours, I cut up black pipe cleaners and made legs for the caterpillars.

Then the eyes.

On a separate day, we went to the craft store, and the kids got to pick their gift boxes and some shredded paper. When we came home, we put everything together.

The boxes were perfect for the caterpillars, because butterflies came from caterpillars. Brilliant choice, kids!

We also bought a frame for their tree finger-painting.

Daddy was surprised, and said that he'll bring these presents to his work and put them by his desk. ^_^